Sometimes i wonder.. why muz i work finished my 17 days?.. for building fund?.. for my personal pleasure of buying nice outfits to wear?.. or what?..

why muz i stressed myself and work untill so hard that all.. ALL..my collegues asked me to rest awhile.. and my mental system is screwing up becoz of the busi-ness.. hmm.. how.. i think i will strived on bah..

the motivation really comes when i project myself wearing gentlemen' outfits to school and to church.. and how ppl look at me.. actually it's not how ppl look at me.. it's how confidence i am.. really.. i think i need more confidence for that.. haha.. but really.. i feel good wearing clothes that i bought by my own hard-earned money.. :)

it will be great if i bought a pair of Converse fold-over.. a pair of good jeans or a cargo pants.. 1-2 shirts.. 1 slim fit with a slim tie or just a comfort size with cool design.

a bracelet?.. or a ring leh?.. dunno leh.. still thinking.. anyway.. i calculated.. i still have around $200 to invest.. i mean.. willing to invest.. haha.. :)

wow..that's alot to dream of.. now i still go dreaming.. :)

Testomies Sharing Time (10/9- 28/9)

woohoo.. this period

Random days (3)

dated 14/3/08 according to my sheet of paper i written. shld be after random day 2 when my head is better.

"Ha. I am back! No more giddyness anymore. I am on the Woo.. bus 52. It droves so extremely fast. Woohoo. Suddenly dunno what to write. Oh. It's so fast. Woohoo. Didn't make the wrong decision. I am holding myself, feeling a bit urgent to piss. But I guess I can hold till Bukit Timah Plaza bah."

i totally forgotten why i need to go there liao..

Random days (2)

This random day is one of the afternoon after easter celebration where i meet wany to do the new friends cards.

"It's 14:56 now. The rain is dropping like never before. Sitting in the quite empty bus 80, listen to some emo songs. My heart gradually fallen to nowhere. This rain is just the tears that I kept for myself. Wind was blowing, the raindrops hit the bus stop. I can imagine it to be "Ti-da, Ti-da" but in a faster speed.

Red light to stop, Green light to go. Sometimes, I wonder is really traffic light helping and making our lives easier or not. Cause, with or without traffic light, people still jaywalk when there's no cars. Is Singaporeans patience enough? The answer is no. I, myself is a jaywalker liao. Monkey see monkey do. Not say that we are all monkey (even though many said I am.) It's just the truth that we need to face it lah.

How many accidents that's involved with jaywalkers? And how many are fatal? The amount is so big that it really scares ppl, including me. My head is spinning, maybe I am having split headaches bah. My mind wasn't right this time. Tell you more later when I felt more alright bah."

Random days (1)

Some of those days in this year that i have written some of my thoughts down...
random days (1).. happened in one of the afternoon while i am having a pre- easter celebration full fasting..

"I AM TIRED of all the white lies, I AM TIRED of cheating my mum and my gran one way or another. I DUN WANT to hide my identity as a christian anymore. Help Jesus.

The wind is freezing cold. Avoid eating. I came to here. I dunno is the correct choice or not. But it seems to be a brilliant idea. COLD. COLD. COLD. But I know. with you. All things are possible. The weather WOULDN'T be cold anymore.

I FELT ALONE. I FELT LONELY. I AM HUNGRY. But i have my DUTY not to eat. I am not TIRED. But I just feel like hugged my bluster and nap.

Sian. My neighbours spotted me hiding around the corner of the staircase. I Feel so embarrassed."

Testimonies sharing (10/3- 16/3_2008)

1st up: I really thank God to be able to give me the time despite of my busy schedule to rest during this sat 15 march so that i can really pray to Him, the Lord during Prayer Meeting.. alone.. but nope.. i met a new fren.. her name is Sharon.. i pray together with her.. thank God.. by His grace i am be able to prayer as a grp with someone i dunno and yet improve on my speaking of prayers..

i rmb at that morning.. i really feel very lerthigtic.. i forced myself to get up at 7am even only with 5hrs slp.. due to the making of the new frens' cards.. i did that untill 1am the previous night.. He really give me a scold.. as in.. he pushes me down to slp and told me "CHEE MENG.. YOU BETTER SLP NOW.." he then give me some sneezes and feverish feelings that making me feel more sick and tired.. i brushes up but still very weary.. that's when xin wei told me that the kids will be going west coast park.. wah.. hot.. weather.. west coast.. me... west coast. thinking tht makes me feel even more sick.. i end up LITERALLY COLLAPSED DOWN on the bed.. with my jacket and the blanket covering me up to the neck.. i slp till 11 plus.. 4 more hrs..

after that i really feel so much better already.. i agreed to meet for pre-service even how early is it.. really feel so sian to get out my house early in the afternoon.. but with his MIGHTY strength.. i managed to pull myself up to go out..

2nd: i 1 to thank God for the sharing of happiness to me.. i really feel THE OVERWHELM OF HAPPINESS SHARED UPON ME when i go out and fellowship with my secondary school long term frens.. glisten inc. and mao's cliques on 14 mar fri and 16 mar sun respectively.. i really can sense His presence where.. the atmosphere is always so light and shiok.. especially 16 mar sun.. i laughed the HARDEST AND THE LONGEST.. totally by His Grace and then can have laugh so long.. i am really amazed by how my mouth comes out with jokes and cold jokes that makes everyone laughed and stunned.. i am TOTALLY shocked at myself on that sunday after cg prayer meeting.. by Your Faith.. i am able to shine to the lost and reach out to the them.. i will continue to meet their needs and help them.. guide them to the path to enter your House!

3rd: i 1 to share my financial blessings that God has set upon me.. even how i have give my building fund inconsistently.. He won't short-change me.. He keeps on sew on to me.. giving me the more than enough cash so that i can fellowship with each and single one of ppl i want to reach out to..from tue to sun (except sat) .. 11-16... 5 days.. i have been consistently meeting them for meals and activities.. i Pray that one day they respond to your Call.. respond to you as their Heavenly Father!

Testimonies sharing.. session declared!

DATED 17 MARCH 2008.. i am going to DECLARE that.. from THIS DAY onwards i will SHARE MY TESTIMONIALS IN HERE.. every detailed one.. :)

so plz look out for these.. SOON.. i will update even sooner than my public blog!

the Shepherd- Theory about happiness

a little commercial break here.. this another book called.. hope.. this wil help you.. to find your own happiness.. (vic see carefully le oh)..

The Shepherd – A modern parable about our search for happiness – Matthew Kelly

In today’s world where appearance is valued more than substance there is a restlessness rampant among us. Deep within one question tugs consistently at our hearts: “ What will truly brings me happiness?” As we wrestle with this question we come to one very potent realization: “There must be more to life…”

Everyone has a theory about happiness, but rarely do you look deep into the eyes of a person who has the peace to back up their theory.
In The Shepherd, Kelly sorts through the false conclusions, half-baked theories, and endless contradiction which seems to dominate our modern search for happiness, to arrive at the one true source of this happiness we desire. The beautiful message contained within these pages has the power to change our lives. This book can lead us along a rarely trodden path to arrive at the ever-needed truth. If you open yourself up to its message, The Shepherd will guide you to the happiness your heart desires.

Introduction
The human heart is on a quest for happiness. As individuals we are all so unique and different, but we are bound together by our common yearning for happiness. Regardless of our age or the color of our skin, regardless of the land in which live or the land in which we were born, we all yearn for happiness.
In our search for happiness, we often do things that we think will make us happy, but in fact end up making us miserable. Under the influence of self-centered philosophies we often seek happiness through pleasure, possessions, power, or just simply the path of least resistance. Each of these may offer moments of happiness, but they end too soon, having lasted ever so briefly, and our quest for a lasting happiness continues. These moments of happiness are of course real, but only as real as a shadow is real. The shadow of a person is real and wonderful, but it is nothing compared to the actual person. Sadly, so many of us spend our lives chasing shadows of happiness.


The modern search for happiness seems to be governed by greed, lust, gluttony, selfishness, exploitation, and deception. And yet, as these diseased values become more and more the focus of modern lifestyles, people seem to be filled with great discontentment and unhappiness with each passing day.
The great tragedy here is not that we fail to achieve our plan, but rather, that we don’t know that even if our master plan had worked out, we still wouldn’t have the happiness we desire.
Fame, fortune, pleasure, and possessions will never satisfy our deep, deep yearning for happiness. Possessions will lose their glow, wealthy people seem wealthy but they are not happy, they cannot enjoy their wealth. All of them are just illusions that sparkles and shine, and distract us from the true happiness we yearn for deep in our beings. You never can get enough of what you don’t really need.


The Shepherd is a story about a man who has found the happiness that our hungry hearts desire. His simple and peaceful spirit provides a vision of happiness that is deeply rooted in ancient wisdom, but may just be that “new vision of happiness” that can rescue us all.
“Get to know The Shepherd, Stop trying to put together a master plan for your life… for your happiness… Instead, seek out The Master’s Plan for your life… for your happiness… Allow Him to lead you, to guide you, to be your companion, your friend, your coach, your mentor… He will lead you to green pastures… He will restore your soul…Your cup will overflow…”

Afterward
… in that moment of spontaneous prayer the Spirit that guides us all led me to pray, “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.” It was perhaps the first moment of honest and humble prayer in my life. Before that day I had only been interested in telling God what my will was, I had never asked Him to reveal His will.

“God, what do you think I should do?” I call this “The BIG Question.” It is the question that changed my life forever, and the question that continues to transform my life today.

This question should be a constant theme in our spiritual lives. When we are attentive to this question we are happy regardless of external realities, because we have a peace and contentment within. It is the peace that comes from knowing that who are, and what we are doing makes sense regardless of the outcome, and regardless of other people’s opinions. This peace comes from taking into account the only opinion that truly matters: God’s.

Everyday we make dozens of decisions, some of them large and some of them small. When was the last time you invited God into the decisions of your life?

Sometimes I block His voice out because I want to do something I know He doesn’t want me to do. Sometimes I foolishly believe that I know a shortcut to happiness. These decisions always lead me to misery of one form or another.

The will of God is a mysterious thing. In my own spiritual journey I have learned that God reveals His will one step at a time, but this creates a great deal of uncertainty, and we don’t like that. In this modern age we try to control all the elements so that we can have security and stability. If only we could learn to enjoy uncertainty. Uncertainty is a sign that all is well. God is your friend; He will take care of the details.

Sometimes I cannot help but wonder how many of those have actually formed the habit of spending a few minutes in prayer each day. Often people dismiss the message as too simple. It is true that the simple things in life are often the best. It is also true that simple things have a tremendous ability to transform our lives. Simplicity is the key to perfection. I have experienced the power of simplicity in my own life and I invite you to do the same.

I know we can pray anywhere, but there is something mystical and powerful abut entering into the presence of God in His house.
I challenge you to take a few moments with your God each day. Enter into the classroom of silence. Sit with God and dream some dreams. Once you are in the classroom of silence, if you can muster the courage to ask the big question and the patience to listen to the silent murmuring of your hear, He will lead you. You may not hear any voices, or see any wonders, but He will lead you. Nothing is surer. And then, your life will become a passionate and enthusiastic adventure.

Forget about trying to put together a Master Plan for your life… for your happiness. Start looking for The Master’s Plan for your life… for your happiness.
If you are willing, little by little, step by step, He will reveal a plan, and in that plan your deep gladness will unite with the world’s deep need. Only then will you taste the holy contentment that our very beings never stop yearning for.

Get to know The Shepherd. He will lead you to green pastures… He will restore your soul… You cup will overflow…:)

chpt 4 of God own$

4 The Danger of Greed
Hans Christian Andersen once told the story about a poor farmer who had a goose. One day the goose laid a golden egg. The farmer was so surprised that he took the egg to the goldsmith’s shop and had it tested. It turned out to be of pure gold. Overnight, the farmer became a rich man, as the goose would lay one golden egg every morning.
Six months later, the farmer who was by then a very rich man, was counting all his cash and drawing up his financial projections. He was so consumed by his future income prospects that he said to himself, “Why do I have to wait to collect my gold daily? Why not take it all now?”
So he killed the goose and opened up her stomach, wanting to take all the gold! We know the rest of the story – no eggs and no more goose! The farmer, driven by greed, lost everything!
The god of greed and materialism is prevalent in every affluent society today, in different ways and through different manifestations but the drive is the same. There is an exaltation of the earthly over the heavenly and the material over the spiritual. Jesus called this god Mammon.
The encounter between Naaman, the commander of the army of the king of Aram, and Gehazi, the servant of Elisha, in 2 Kings 5 will show us that we serve God and not Mammon. Prior to the encounter, God dealt with Naaman’s pride. When that pride was laid aside, the power of God was released. Naaman, who had leprosy, was healed. His soul was converted and he acknowleged the God of Israel. He also realized he could not buy God’s blessings. Instead, he had to humbly seek and receive. That was why Elisha refused to accept Naaman’s gifts after the healing. Gehazi, however, had an eye on the reward and the monster of greed began to work its evil.

6 Characteristics of Greed
1. Greed is Hidden
2 Kings 5:20 says, “Gehazi…said to himself…” In other words, Gehazi was greedy in his heart. Greed tends to be hidden. It dwells in secrecy and is often unknown to those around us. The covetousness that is inside is known only to God and to us. If we allow the searchlight of God’s Word to shine into the depths of our souls, we may just see the monster of greed lurking there. Pehraps that is why some of us do not seems satisfied with our current lot in life.

2. Greed Rationalises
Greed will always give us a reason for wanting to possess or accumulate more. It will always find good reasons for us to upgrade our homes or change our cars. Gehazi rationalized that perhaps Elisha had been too easy on Namman. Wasn’t it only right that Naaman gave some money to Elisha? After all, he was a rich man. Prophets, too, needed retirement funds! But who was the money really for? Gehazi himself! This is how greed works in us too! We can excuse it by saying that it is evidence that God is blessing us.
It can be hard to draw the line between need, greed and providence. Greed can be very quickly turn a luxury into a need. We require honesty and discernment to overcome this tendency to rationalize.

3. Greed is Compulsive
Greed can never be satisfied. The more you get, the more you want. In God’s eyes, greed is not a small thing. It is, in fact, tantamount to idolatry! Once we bow our knees to mammon, we will be enslaved. The grip of mammon may be so tight that it is difficult for us to break loose except by the power of God. Jesus said in Mark 10:25, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” But it is not just the rich who can be greedy; the poor can be greedy too. It is not just the rich who can be greedy; the poor can be greedy too. It is not what you do or do not have; it is the condition of your heart and your attitude towards money and possessions.
Let us ask God to set our hearts free from discontentment and greed, and to enjoy whatever He has blessed us with instead of striving for more.

4. Greed is Deceptive
Gehazi was so overcome by greed that he ended up lying to Namman and Elisha. In the same way, greed can cause us to scheme and deceive. If a Christian businessman is greedy, he is not above lying to close a deal or scheme for a break. Mark 8:36 tells us, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

5. Greed Distorts
If greed enters our lives, it distorts our value system. The difference in the value systems of Gehazi and Mary (Mark 14:3-9) is the difference between greed and love. Greed is calculating whereas love is extravagant.

6. Greed Destroys
Isn’t it ironical that what Naaman lost. Gehazi ended up having – leprosy! Gehazi’s heart was greedy. He schemed and finally body became corrupted. 1 Timothy 6:9 says, “People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.”
A man who is lost at sea finds water all around him and the temptation to drink is great. But the more he drinks, the thirstier he becomes. It would be suicidal to drink sea water. The only thing to do is wait for the heavens to open and the rain to fall.
Greed always leads to destruction; Gehazi was destroyed by leprosy.



CHOOSE CHRIST
At the start of this chapter, we talked about the goose and the golden eggs. We are all at different stages of our lives, and may fit into any of the following categories:

More golden eggs: Some of us have reached the stage of being able to share some golden eggs with others. Perhaps God is challenging you to increase the number of eggs you are giving away. This is particularly important if a church is moving into a new phase. If your church is entering into a building and expansion phase, there is a need to increase the staff strength for growth to be sustained. To have a more organized church with better infrastructure, everyone would have to contribute more in terms of time, treasure and talent.

Some golden eggs: There may be others whom God is challenging to confront materialism and greed. The best way to dethrone greed is to be generous. Go in the opposite spirit! Give like you have NEVER given before.

The golden goose: God may be challenging yet others to take an even greater step of faith. He is not only placing a demand on your golden eggs, but he is also asking you to surrender the golden goose. In other words, you are to surrender your wealth as well as the opportunity for future income through your career by serving Him full-time in the ministry.

If you sense that you have a call upon your life but find it so hard to give up what you have, know this: You will never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have. Whatever you may feel that God is asking you to do – be it to surrender more of your golden eggs, surrender some of your golden eggs or surrender the goose that lays the golden eggs – do not fear because you will be surrendering your resources to the One who gave them to you in the first place.
What Gehazi was to Elisha in the Old Testament, Judas was to Jesus in the New Testament. Both of these men had the opportunity to become great in the kingdom of God but they missed it because their hearts were gripped by greed. Let us resolve not to miss God’s best because of greed but to pursue Christ with all heart, mind, soul and strength.

chpt 3 of God own$

3 The Delight of Giving
The Bible puts it this way in Matthew 6: 21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Perhaps this is why money is the most talked about topic in the Bible. One Bible scholar estimated that there are 5,280 verses on the subject of money alone. The number of references on money far exceeds that on heaven, hell, salvation and prayer. Sixteen out of 38 parables refer to money and possessions.
This is misquoting 1 Timothy 6:10, which says, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many grief.” The root of evil is not “money” but the “love” of money.
When the Bible talks about giving in terms of money, it always speaks of tithes and offerings. The principles of giving are found in the Old Testament and then carry over into the New Testament.

Tithing
1. The Progression of Tithing
When we tithe, we are recognizing that God is the Sovereign Lord who owns everything and we are but stewards of what He has given us. Tithing is mentioned 10 times in the New Testament; each time, Jesus did not do away with tithing but took it to a new dimension under grace. He challenged believers to go beyond the legalistic righteousness of the Jews.
Under the Law, the tithe was the ceiling. However, under grace, the tithe was the floor! The tithe is the starting and not the ending point. It is the least that we can do, out of gratitude for what Jesus has done to set us free.

2. The Place of Tithing
In Malachi 3:10 says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse…” The storehouse originated from King Hezekiah in 2 Chronicles 31. It refers to the Temple of the Lord. In the New Testament, the storehouse would be the local church – the place where God has chosen for His Name, the place where you are spiritually fed.

3. The Purpose of Tithing
Under grace or the New Testament, we are compelled by love to give, as it is written in 1 Corinthians 13:3,”If I give all I possess to the poor ad surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”


6 NEW testament principles of giving
1. The Principle of Proportion
1 Corinthians 16:2 says, “On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income…” The general principle is this: “To whom much is given, much will be required” and “Give as the Lord prospers you…” The most basic proportion would be the tithe or 10 per cent.
God is just God. He does not look at what we give but at what we keep. In Luke 21:1-4, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “I tell you the truth, ” he said “this widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

2. The Principle of Priority
Paul exhorted believers to set aside an amount for God first. In other words, let God have the firstfruits. If we are paid monthly, then set aside what we want to give God first before anything else. If not, we may end up giving God our leftovers.
***Malachi 3:10-12 says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit,’ says the LORD Almighty. “Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the LORD Almighty.

3. The Principle of Purpose
2 Corinthians 9:7-8 tells us, “ Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” Let our giving be done purposefully. Let it be planned and predetermined. Do not tip God! Before you go to church, prayerfully decide what you want to give. Prepare the offering. Give purposefully as an act of worship.

4. The Principle of Privacy
Matthew 6:1-4 says, “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven …… when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Giving is so self-effacing that after you have given, forget about it! Do not keep an account of how generous you have been. Do not even brag about what you have given. Keep your giving private!

5. The Principle of Privilege
We must recognize that giving is a privilege! We give because we receive so much from the One who, for our sake, became poor, so that through His poverty, we might become rich. Giving then is no longer a sacrifice but a joy. We are no longer bound to give tithes and offerings. We are morally bound to give out of a heart of love and gratitude.

6. The Principle of Profit
Luke 6:38 tell us, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” God is no man’s debtor. We cannot outgive God.